Month: May 2022

Books, Reflections

Why You Should Start a Commonplace Book

I wrote this post the week of New Year’s 2022. It was originally one of my New Year’s resolutions. But like most New Year’s resolutions, things did not work out like I planned. I have been thinking about working on a commonplace book for a while, but I have put it off. I finally started cleaning out my room this week after I got home from college. I decided that it was time to do some spring cleaning. I am living at home after college. My room is a mess, so I decided it could be a good idea to clean it out a bit. My biggest problem is that I have a ton of books and notebooks and not much space to store them.

My closet, bookshelf, and desks are so full. I am going through college papers and notebooks. I realize that I probably shouldn’t keep them all. I don’t have the room, and I probably won’t look at them as much I imagined that I would.

But it is a bit sad to throw them away. I am afraid of forgetting everything that I learned in college. I think keeping these notebooks and books is my way of remembering. And why should I throw them away? Students pay a ridiculous amount of money to attend university and to sit in a classroom and take notes. Why should I throw these notes out? They’re worth so many paychecks.

But I save too much. I don’t have room for every single worksheet or notebook in my room. Many of them I will never look at again. I mean, there is Google. I can research Finite Math and review Chemistry, but what about the humanities? I feel like by not keeping every single note that I took in class, I am missing out. What if I forget all these writers and philosophers that I read and love?

How do I hold onto my notes without keeping every English worksheet? How do I remember the specific quotes that I underlined in my textbooks. I needed an answer to these questions. So, I decided that place where you can keep all the meaningful things you learned in one place. The commonplace book, ta da. It figures that I would find a solution to my college concerns by remembering a project I did in a philosophy class.

What is a Commonplace Book?

So, if you haven’t heard of a commonplace book, you may be very confused. I first heard of a commonplace book not from the internet, but from a philosophy professor that I had at Grove City College. The book was a project for my philosophy 101 class. All we had to do was write 45 quotes from the works we read in class in a notebook. Sounds simple enough and an easy way to get points, right?

We wrote a few quotes from every reading into the notebook. It wasn’t too hard of an assignment, and I was grateful that my professor chose this project for a few reasons. Keeping one of these books is an easy way to improve your grade in Philosophy 101, and it is also an easy way to grow a little bit wiser every day.

So, how does one create a commonplace book? And why do I plan to spend my time writing quotes that I find in old books? If that sounds boring like it did to me at first, I’ll ask you this:

Have you ever read a great quote in a book that you never wanted to forget? Have you ever read a quote that you loved not for the beauty of the words but for the message? The message was so powerful, you wanted to remember it and not just keep it as a pretty wall poster. The words you write in a commonplace book can provide guidance, wisdom, and advice for a difficult time or be read as an everyday reminder. There have been many passages that I have wished to keep with me.

For years, I did not know how to save these quotes and remember them. I have collected phrases in journals, made Pinterest boards, and saved posts I’ve loved on Instagram. I remember in high school–I loved copying my favorite scenes and quotes from books into my journal. I’ve been collecting words, sharing them, and eventually losing them my entire life.

When I started college, I took notes in class and added stars to my favorite quotes. I was an English major. I marked them down because my professor told me to and because I would likely be tested on them. But I also knew I wanted to come back to them someday. Looking back, I’ve realized that after tests and papers are done, I rarely return to those passages that meant so much to me at the time.

It wasn’t that I didn’t care about what I learned or that the quotes no longer applied to my life or understanding of the world, they did. But life can be stressful and busy sometimes, and you forget to look back on the things you’ve learned.

Another problem I had with saving quotes was that I never knew how to sort them. In my philosophy class, it was pretty easy to find quotes to include in my notebook. We read many authors with words worth holding onto, looking to for guidance, and rereading over and over again. We studied the works of Plato, Dante, Aristotle, and Boethius.

Something about this guy is worth remembering, and not just his glorious beard

I can go back and read them again and learn something new every time. My professors often said that good authors are worth rereading and learning from, time and time again. My one professor mentioned that he reread Aristotle’s Ethics every year and reread Charles Dickens’s Christmas Carol every Advent. I would like to try that; I haven’t yet, but I feel like you could learn quite a bit from rereading the same book every season.

And just like I plan to reread great books, I also plan on returning to these commonplace entries in the future. I do not have to reread the entire book that day with a commonplace book. I can simply look back and find quotes on the topics that I’ve been thinking about. I could Google these quotes too, but I feel like I don’t remember things as much when I Google.

I discover something magical when I look back on a quote by an amazing writer. I honestly had no idea how beautiful the writings of these authors were until I read them. They always sounded like old, boring, dead people. I kind of fell in love with the philosophers. We read about Aristotle’s definition of perfect friendship and Boethius’ words about how we can’t trust fortune or rely on external circumstances alone to make us happy. Reading them made me think of things in ways I hadn’t before.

Putting all the quotes together in a commonplace book is a great way to find those topics and return to those quotes again and again. You can flip to a page in your commonplace book and find a specific topic and author.

Commonplace books are great at helping you remember these quotes and the impact they have had on society. If we look at topics like philosophy, politics, and religion, our culture has been influenced so much by the writers of the past. We are influenced by the past more than I realized. For example, Martin Luther King Jr. included several references to philosophers of the past in his Letters from a Birmingham Jail.

I was amazed how he was able to bring together the words of other authors and connect their ideas to his. How does anyone remember so many quotes?

That is why the commonplace book is a nice shortcut. All of these quotes and phrases are kept together and organized. You don’t have to memorize every point, at least not now.

What to Include in a Commonplace Book

Commonplace books entries don’t have to be from just philosophers and academics. You can include quotes from anywhere you find inspiring, novels, poetry, the Bible, Koran, or any religious text, from a movie, tv-show, or song. Even a street sign.

You can use quotes that you’ve heard in real life too. I learn so much about the world from family, friends, professors, and acquaintances. There is something about people that makes us want to quote each other. My sorority has a group chat where we quote each other and send it to the group. Most of these quotes are super funny, random, and out of context. But they can also be wise and insightful.

In the case of the commonplace book, I always look at the context. So I do not misunderstand what the writer intended to say. Jeremiah 29:11, “for you know the plans I have for you” for example, is not meant for a 21st century reader but for the people of Israel. Shakespeare’s “Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ’em.” is not nearly as deep as people think, and the term “greatness thrust upon them” is an innuendo. So be careful what you quote for inspiration.

For this book, I look for quotes that say something accurate about human nature or offer wisdom about how to live a good life.

Not all of your quotes have to be older either; they can be modern or from a song you heard last week. I would pay attention to the media you enjoy and look for things that you can learn. There are plenty of quotes that I find deep at the moment. James Arthur’s “Empty Space” has been stuck in my head for at least a month. Maybe I will put some of the lyrics in a commonplace book, or maybe not. We sometimes find genius in unexpected places.

It is good to have authors from different periods, cultures, and places. If you keep a broad scope, you will discover universal truths. You can find great wisdom from any era too. I like to keep learning about the world I live in–not just where I am.

When I read something I want to remember, it gets lost–amongst all the other ideas swimming around my brain–like all the emails I read, the things people say in real life, my homework assignments, and articles I read online. It feels like too much. I also have a million notebooks, so most of my quotes are scattered in multiple journals. Then I lose it all. So when I learned about commonplace books, I decided it was worth giving it a try.

Organization

So, how do I even organize a commonplace book?

I have heard that there are different ways to organize them, but I decided to follow the method my professor described. I find this method easier, but if you find another method that you prefer, go for it. I organize mine alphabetically by the category of a quote. I make a page or so for every letter and the first vowel of that letter.

For example, I have a page for AA and the next page is AE. I vary the number of pages for each letter depending on how many words you can make for each letter and vowel. I make up categories as I go along and put categories on the pages corresponding to the alphabet. For example, let’s say that I’m writing down a quote about humility. I would go to the page where I wrote “HU” and would add the category humility under it. All quotes that are about humility go there.

I write the quote under the category. Then I write the name of the author, the name of the work, and the page numbers under the quote. If I want to go back and read a whole section or reread the work I referenced, I can find it easily.

This is Your Commonplace book- don’t just listen to what I’m doing

You don’t have to structure your commonplace book as I did. A commonplace book is yours to write in and reference, so you should structure it a way it works for you. You could use a physical journal like I did or make a digital one on a word document. I love writing quotes down to remember them. You could even have multiple commonplace books. You could use one for quotes you like from books and another for words of wisdom. Not all quotes offer good advice, but I like them anyway and it could be fun to keep track of them.
The main reason that my professor assigned this and why I’m writing this is so that I can learn and grow in virtue and understanding. They can help me become the best version of myself. They can help me grow as a person. In our internet age, I have noticed how quickly trends fade; I want something that I can hold onto, and becoming more like people you admire isn’t the impossible task that I once imagined it was.


Patience, honor, bravery, justice, benevolence, temperance, wit (Aristotle said wit was a virtue, I approve), and other virtues improve with practice. I fall into the problem of seeing virtue as abstract rather than concrete, and sometimes I find it easy to forget my moral code or forget that these are important.


Writing them down and reading them helps me remember. I can remember what is right. I can also read sections about wealth and remember that it does not matter the most. Money is the means to an end rather than the final end. I want to learn and remember how to be a good friend and care about others around me.

You certainly don’t need a commonplace book or to study philosophy or ethics to live a moral life, but I find writing down quotes and looking at them again is a helpful tool. When I feel stuck in my thoughts or in the midst of a moral dilemma, I can look at what people say about these things. Writing in a commonplace book is a great way to remember quotes and bits of information. These people are authors who I love reading and want to keep with me.


I would highly recommend starting a commonplace book if this sounds interesting. A commonplace book is a way to cultivate wisdom, love and, appreciation for words that will last a lifetime. Making commonplacing a regular habit can be a helpful way to keep your favorite writers with you. It can motivate you to go back and reread your favorites and seek out new material. One of my worries about leaving college was forgetting how much I loved reading, especially philosophy and literature. If this sounds like something that sounds even remotely interested in, I would recommend giving it a try.


Tip: Whether you mark an entry every time as you read and discover something new, or spend seven minutes a day or three days a week commonplacing, building it into your life is the best way to ensure that it doesn’t end up under your closet. I know it has been a temptation of mine. Even if you forget about it for a while, you can always come back. There is no time limit or rules for your book.


This year, a few of my goals are to maintain a schedule to cultivate a good sleep, exercise, and eating habits; cultivate relationships and grow spiritually, and find a job after graduating in the spring. I wrote most of these goals down in January, and I’m still working on them. I also hope to grow in wisdom and learn about lives outside my own. So, commonplace book, here I go. I will not save every worksheet from Finite Math and Shakespeare, but I will keep this book with me.


I hope that I will look back and remember old entries. I wonder what I will think when I look back at the quotes I wrote down when I was younger. I’d love to write more about this in the future once I get into collecting more quotes. Have you ever heard of or tried creating a commonplace book? If you’ve started or plan to start one, I would love to hear about it and plans for this year.


What do you think about a commonplace book? Are you a fan of spring cleaning? Do you tend to hold onto everything you receive or take a minimalist approach? Let me know in the comments!

Music

An Analysis of Taylor Swift’s “Cardigan” with P. A. Wilson

Cardigan is one of three Taylor Swift songs in a series that she calls the “Teenage Love Triangle.” This story is about three teens, Betty, James, and an unnamed character who James cheats on Betty with. Each song takes place from the perspective from a different teen, and Betty is the first one to share her perspective in her song, “Cardigan.”

P. A. Wilson and I decided to analyze each song in the series and offer our thoughts and opinions. We love a good song analysis, and this was a lot of fun.

Vintage tee, brand new phone

High heels on cobblestones

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

P. A. Wilson: I automatically get modern vibes or 2010s vibes at least. It seems recent mostly because of the new phone, but vintage tees have been popular for a few years now I believe. I am not great at keeping up with what’s in style, but I see teenagers still wearing vintage tees. High heels and vintage tees are a weird combination. I kind of wonder if there are two people in this scene due to the mismatch. High heels on cobblestones mostly makes me think of how I never wear them because I am so clumsy. On cobblestones, I would probably end up tripping and falling. I wonder if high heels on cobblestones is a metaphor for the relationship between these two people. Like if they are going through a rough patch or are uncertain in their footing. The last sentence is super relatable because adults always assume that teenagers, or even younger adults, are simply too inexperienced to know anything about the world or themselves. When I came out as asexual and biromantic, and even before that when I implied I was sex-repulsed, I was told that I was too young to understand how I felt. So yeah, this hit home.

Ashley: I’m curious about the vintage tee and high heels. It is an odd combination of clothes to wear, and I’m guessing there are two people there. The brand new phone also sounds like one of the people is able to afford a new phone, maybe they’re more wealthy, but they prefer to dress in vintage tees for comfort. High heels on cobblestones sounds slippery. I would probably fall over, myself. Cobblestones maybe indicate that they’re in someone’s driveway or maybe they’re walking through town. I like that last sentence. I feel like we don’t take young people very seriously, and it’s quite annoying.

Sequin smile, black lipstick

Sensual politics

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

P. A. Wilson: “Sequin smile” is a wonderful usage of descriptive imagery. Sequins look like they are diamonds or some other gem, but they are fake in reality, mere plastic. A sequin smile is shiny and looks genuine but masks a different feeling inside. Black lipstick also suggests a somber mood. Sensual politics seems to refer to the subtle manipulation and deliberate impression made by this behavior and clothing choice–like the intentional maneuvers and diction of a politician. The final line about adults assuming young people know nothing takes on a different vibe in this section, because it seems like the adults came to this conclusion because of the smiles and makeup/clothing choices of young people. Like it is a judgement based on appearance.

Ashley: “Sequin smile” is an interesting phrase. It feels plastered on or fake, almost ornamental. This person is dressing up, maybe in sequins. I have personally never worn black lipstick, and from what I’ve heard, it sounds like it is hard to pull it off. I kind of want to try black lipstick now. But, I get the vibe here that she’s (or the person wearing lipstick) is dressing up for the other. The phrase “sensual politics” sounds like it is a younger person trying to be more mature. Politics reminds me of politicians having secret affairs with each other. Sensual makes me think that this is a liaison between two people, if not a cheating situation. I can see where the second phrase comes in. Maybe older people observing their relationship saw it as them pretending to be adults, and her dressing up for the person she’s with is seen as exaggerated and overdone. She says the phrase dismissively like they assume, but she knows the truth.

But I knew you

Dancin’ in your Levi’s

Drunk under a streetlight, I

P. A. Wilson: Knowing someone when they are in a different state from one in which they would normally like others to see them suggests a kind of intimacy. It’s a personal moment that the narrator has shared with one they love. Being drunk and dancing also suggests a kind of vulnerability and implied trust.

Ashley: They’re definitely out at night. The image here also just feels intimate. It is one of those moments that not everyone knows about a person. Although this person is drunk, they seem vulnerable. They’re carefree, dancing around. I also find it interesting that the two of them are not dancing together. One is watching while the other dances, at least that’s how I interpret it.

I knew you

Hand under my sweatshirt

Baby, kiss it better, I

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone’s bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

P. A. Wilson: She sounds like she feels left behind often, abandoned as unwanted, but that the lover made her feel like she was special. The old cardigan was an interesting choice, as a piece of clothes, something that you put on sometimes for comfort but that you might not wear around others as often since it is old. Almost suggesting that her lover “puts her on” when it is convenient or just as a means of comfort. “Baby, kiss it better” is kind of childish, suggesting that the singer is vulnerable and believes the lover’s affection would have a healing effect.

Ashley: She is definitely confident, telling him to kiss her, and we definitely know this is some sort of relationship now. I like the cardigan image. I don’t have any clothes under my bed myself. If anything, it would be a cardigan on the floor of my closet or hung up somewhere. It sounds like she feels like she is forgotten. Maybe she feels like no one sees her as a romantic prospect, and then he chooses her and she feels good and warm. I’m not sure if this extends into other categories of life too. Does she feel like family and her peers don’t notice her much, or does she just feel like this in a romantic context?

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one

When you are young, they assume you know nothin’

P. A. Wilson: I understand very well that “a friend to all is a friend to none.” I try to be on good terms and build relationships with many people, including people who don’t get along with each other. Because I do not choose sides, I am often resented by everyone involved. James chased another girl, and now has lost the Betty. Losing the one could also be interpreted as losing “the one.” Like the one person who is a perfect match. I never believed in “the one,” instead believing there are many potential partners who would be great, even if you only choose one in the end. The repetition of “they assume you know nothin'” now seems like it means they assume one cannot be held responsible for such actions if one is young, due to ignorance.

Ashley: I feel like she’s pretty right here. You can’t please everyone and be everyone’s friend, but I’m not sure if you’d be a friend to no one. You’d have to have someone, right? The next phrase totally contradicts the first one. If only one girl is lost, they still get the other girl. I’m guessing Betty is the girl that was lost, because she says she knew them in past tense. Again, the refrain maybe reinstates that her lover didn’t know how to keep her, so maybe in this case, at least James really did know nothing.

But I knew you

Playing hide-and-seek and

Giving me your weekends, I

P. A. Wilson: Playing hide and seek sounds cute and sweet like the children’s game, but it could mean James is hiding something more serious, like his affair with another girl. Giving weekends makes it sound like it is a gift that James is giving her. Oddly, she does not consider that she is also giving him her weekends. The gift is mutual. It becomes increasingly clear that Betty has low self-esteem.

Ashley: I feel like this relationship is starting to show its disfunction some more. Playing hide and seek first sounds fun and a bit childish, but it maybe carries another meaning. James might not be as consistent with meeting up and hanging out with Betty. We know from Swift that James is cheating on Betty, and it sounds like he might be hiding when they are in public or isn’t very consistent with making plans. Giving me your weekends also shows how Betty sees James’ weekends as a gift. She doesn’t see herself as giving her weekends, and it sounds like she felt special to get weekends together. Their relationship could only exist on weekends, and James spends the other time with this other girl. But Betty didn’t seem to care. She just liked feeling special.

I can understand that, enjoying whenever you’re around someone. You soak up all your time together like a sponge because he makes you feel special, and it feels like you don’t get that feeling anywhere else. And that’s all you can think about. Your head is so filled with love that you forget all their flaws and the circumstances you’re in.

I knew you

Your heartbeat on the High Line

Once in 20 lifetimes, I

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone’s bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

P. A. Wilson: Not really sure what heartbeat on the High Line means, other than it is a straight street in New York. Maybe it refers to how Betty thought James’ heart would not deviate from her. She felt like this love was so special it would only be found once in 20 lifetimes. The repetition of the cardigan line emphasizes her low self-esteem and how he made her seem special.

Ashley: I looked up High Line. It is a straight street in New York City. I’m not exactly sure what she means with this image. I’m imagining that if she feels like his heartbeat is on a straight road, then maybe she doesn’t see him as pursuing another girl. She is the road to happiness and their love is a straight line. It feels extra special, once in 20 lifetimes. So, it doesn’t matter if she is young. She feels like with this person she has lived and has now finally experienced true love. I also feel like she’s justifying her love for him. She felt so special and she had no idea they’d break her heart.

To kiss in cars and downtown bars

Was all we needed

You drew stars around my scars

But now I’m bleedin”

P. A. Wilson: Cars and bars both seem connected to the fast life. Interesting they are kissing in places where the instinct to kiss or the alcohol could impair judgement. Is that really all she needed? What about kissing in the intimacy of a home? She is apparently emotionally or psychologically scarred, and being around him distracted her from that. Drawing stars around them does not heal her, but it does distract her from her pain and make the world seem brighter. That’s why when James leaves it is especially devastating.

Ashley: Ouch. Cars and bars are pretty secretive. They aren’t together in public but somehow it is enough for both of them. But is it? It might be all they wanted in the moment, but look at the next lines. I’m imagining James is drawing stars with a pen on Betty’s arm. I’m not sure how metaphorical and literal they are. Also, stars seem like they’re nearby forever, but then the night ends and we can no longer see them.

Scars indicate she’s been hurt in the past, either emotionally or physically or both. She seems like she’s healed, but she’s still fragile. If we’re thinking of physical scars, drawing around the scars seems like they’re creating a distraction. She isn’t being healed, but she feels better with this person who seems like a ray of light. The only problem is that she’s rested her happiness on this person and once they leave her, the pain is worse and she is alone.

Cause I knew you

Steppin’ on the last train

Marked me like a bloodstain, I

P. A. Wilson: Stepping on the last train suggests he wanted to be with her for a long time, but ultimately left her. A bloodstain leaves no positive memories and has no good associations, just the notion of pain. In addition to her scars and bleeding, she feels stained.

Ashley: He is leaving her. The last train might indicate he cares for her too, he is spending every moment that he can with her. But marking her like a bloodstain, that hurts. He still causes a harmful wound whether he means to or not. She is too in love with him.

I knew you

Tried to change the ending

Peter losing Wendy, I

I knew you

P. A. Wilson: I understood the Peter Pan and Wendy reference, because they were really close, even though I do not recall the ending. It seems like James is trying to backpedal and change this ending where he loses the girl of his dream, but he fails.

Ashley: I haven’t seen Peter Pan since I was a kid, and I can’t remember the ending. I think Wendy leaves Neverland. I picture Neverland a place where nothing ever changes–where they can stay young and carry out their romance forever. He seems like he’s trying to get back together with her after leaving. He wants to keep their romance, but he has already hurt her and they can’t go back.

Leavin’ like a father

Running like water, I

And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

P. A. Wilson: “Leavin’ like a father” is a painful line. It seems like Betty’s own father might have left her, but also like this is a commentary about how fathers sometimes leave their children. Running like water makes it sound like she thinks it was natural that he left her, if unexpected. She shows that she has experience and doesn’t really know nothing.

Ashley: The speaker seems like she’s pretty vague about her own past. I can’t tell if her father or another family member left her in the past and that is why she has these scars. I don’t get the sense that James caused her initial scars. The metaphor of running like water. Well, water runs, but it leaves an impact on the ground that it runs under. It also keeps moving forward, regardless of the feelings of the people around it.

But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

P. A. Wilson: A tattoo is long-lasting and often permanent, so his love has marked her permanently, whether that is desired or not. She is haunted by what could have been. Smoke comes after a fire and is a sign of destruction. Usually, it fades away, but this smoke is lingering, suffocating Betty.

Ashley: She says they’re lingering, and lingering means someone stays longer than intended or wanted. It seems like she doesn’t necessarily want to keep him on her mind, but she can’t let it go. A tattoo feels more permanent than a lingering stranger. A tattoo is meant to be permanent, and it is pretty painful to remove. Haunting what-ifs shows that she made decisions too. Maybe she could have gotten with James when he fought for her, but she gave up. The smell of smoke reminds me of a fire burning or a cigarette. Also, fire is quick and passionate in the moment, and you don’t expect smoke to hang around after.

‘Cause I knew everything when I was young

I knew I’d curse you for the longest time

P. A. Wilson: Young people know more than they are usually given credit for, even if they are inexperienced. They learn about life, and their experience should not be disregarded. She knows even now that she is going to hold a grudge and not be able to move on for a long time.

Ashley: She knows that she won’t forget him. She knows her feelings and that she’s in pain, and she won’t get over how he hurt her for a while. Just because she’s young doesn’t mean she doesn’t know herself or hasn’t learned from her experiences.

Chasin’ shadows in the grocery line

I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired

And you’d be standin’ in my front porch light

P. A. Wilson: Even though Betty knows James is gone, she looks for signs of his presence in public places. She knew he would come back to her. He is no longer the person drawing stars–now he relies on the porch light instead of being a source of light himself.

Ashley: I like the image of chasing shadows. I wonder if she sees him at the store and watches as he walks away from the store. I like how she continues the metaphor of light. But instead of a shadow, he is now present in the light.

And I knew you’d come back to me

You’d come back to me

And you’d come back to me

And you’d come back

P. A. Wilson: I didn’t expect this confidence that he would return. I had hoped the end of the song would show her moving on and happy on her own or finding someone new. The repetition makes it seem more likely.

Ashley: She’s pretty confident. This ending surprises me a little. But he did care about her, so it makes sense. It sounds like maybe they’ll get a happy ending.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone’s bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

P. A. Wilson: This song was a good one. I appreciated the imagery, especially the cardigan and the sequin smile. I personally hope they both move on. It’s hard to trust again after being cheated on, and I am not sure that Betty will be able to heal if she re-opens old wounds by being with James again. The positive ending makes me think that they may have a chance, though.

Ashley: I liked this song. It tells a story in the details. I feel like if these two get together, they have a bit to learn, even if she does know herself pretty well. James has to make it up to her for leaving, but I feel like coming to her doorstep is a start at least.

I feel like she’s captured the experience of being young and in love. Betty both knows herself and James more than people think she does, but she still makes mistakes and learns from them. She feels so happy about being someone’s favorite. It feels special and exciting, but she also feels comfortable with him. That isn’t something you want to let go. Cardigans are something that you keep for a long time in her case.

In real life though, I had a cardigan that, like this one, I left in my closet for years. It was grey and thin. It was comfortable enough, but it didn’t match many of my clothes. I enjoyed wearing it at the time though, but I ended up donating it. I don’t really miss it. I got a white cardigan this Christmas, partially out of my love of Taylor Swift. It is shorter and has two buttons. I hope to wear it again in the fall when it gets cooler outside.

So, that’s our analysis of “Cardigan.” Next, we’re going to analyze “Betty” next. What did you think of the song? Do you think Betty should have taken James back? Let us know in the comments below!

Shows

My list of the best couples on 10 Couples on TV

Spoilers for New Girl, Gilmore Girls + The Revival, Jane The Virgin, The Good Place, and Dickinson

I have to say: romance is a lot of fun. I love fictional couples and watching people develop feelings for each other. I feel like I live through fictional relationships sometimes. But I’m not sure I’m alone. So this week, I decided to compile a list of the TV couples that I ship the most and share them with you all.

10. Serena and Dan from Gossip Girl

I know this ship is a rather unpopular one, but I really liked these two. I never got around to finishing Gossip Girl, but Serena and Dan were a great couple in the first season. Dan is an outsider and Serena is the IT girl. They had a lot of chemistry, and I liked the drama that came with this couple. Blake Lively is also incredible. I liked her with Nate too, but these two were my first ship on this show, and I always rooted for them to get back together even after they broke up. That’s why I’m giving them a higher rating. Gossip Girl just had good ships in general. Most of them were really unhealthy, but the drama was fun to watch. It is one of those shows where almost everyone dates each other because the actors have chemistry with everyone.

Best Quote:

Serena to Dan: “I loved you and just because we broke up doesn’t mean that I could turn it off like that”

9. Morticia and Gomez from The Adams Family

It shouldn’t be surprising that I chose these two. I have seen The Adams Family as a movie and a play, and both times that I watched, one of my biggest takeaways was just how these two love each other. They are nothing like the typical sitcom couple where they don’t actually like each other. For some shows, husbands and wives hating each other or barely tolerating each other is a big punchline. Not funny, guys. If you’re looking for the perfect married couple, just look at Morticia and Gomez.

These two have been married for years, and they both adore each other and are passionately in love. They both love their rather strange lifestyle, and they get to do the weird parts of life together. I feel like a lot of media shows a couple fall in love, but not the aftermath. I like seeing these two married with kids navigating family life. They fight like a normal couple, of course, but they still always come to a solution. It is no wonder that many online lists put them as one of the best romances of all time.

Swoon-Worthy Quote:

Gomez: “How long has it been since we’ve waltzed?”

Morticia: “Oh, Gomez…”

Gomez: “…Hours.”

8. April and Andy from Parks and Rec

Okay. I absolutely love these two. When I first watched this show, I thought Andy was a pretty annoying boyfriend to Ann, but luckily, he improves so much in the next season. These two are also the grumpy/sunshine trope. Andy is a goofball slacker, and April is a goth slacker. When they get together, there is absolute chaos. They start as friends and then start liking each other and date pretty early in the series.

I was most surprised that the most childish couple of the show ended up getting married so early. But I kind of love it. Their wedding is the most random thing ever. They have a party with their friends, and then they announce their house party is actually their wedding. Andy wears a football jersey to his own wedding, which is pretty awesome. April says that she never really hated him in her vows, which is so her. I love how this couple are just fun whenever they’re together. Some couples become boring after they get together on TV shows because the writers don’t know what else to do with them. All the relationship drama stops. At best, they are reduced to background characters, and at worst, one of them cheats on the other.

But when April and Andy get married, they’re anything but boring. Also they aren’t organized or good at what they call adulting, but they’re figuring it out together. I can relate to them as someone who just graduated from college. I have no idea what I’m doing; these two don’t either–but they know they want to be together–and it works out. They don’t force themselves to grow old and boring. They know how to have fun together. They make each other laugh, and their personalities play off each other really well. They’re happy and know how to make each other laugh. I would say that’s pretty awesomesauce.

Best Quote:

Andy: “Aww Babe… you had a crush on me, that’s so embarrassing.”

April: “We’re married.”

Andy: “Still”

7. Jane and Rafael from Jane the Virgin

I started watching Jane the Virgin a while ago, and I fell in love with Jane and Rafael. Basically, the plot of their story is that Jane, a virgin, accidentally gets artificially inseminated when a doctor mixes up her pap smear with another woman. That woman is Petra, and Rafael is the fiancé and the father of Jane’s child.

Jane and Rafael actually met once before. They met a coffee shop years ago and kissed. It sounds like it is almost fate, but Rafael is with Petra and Jane is engaged to a man named Michael.

I liked Michael a lot too, but Rafael was just a sweetheart. He had his issues, but so did Jane. I loved how they always encouraged each other no matter what. Rafael always encouraged her writing and was willing to make sacrifices for Jane’s happiness. Jane encouraged Rafael and showed him that he could be a better man than his father was. These two also have so much passion and chemistry. Rafael is also incredibly good looking, so that helps. But even as they go from a couple to friends, I feel like neither of them truly stopped loving each other. I also liked how Rafael didn’t get along with Jane’s family right away. It takes some time for them. Especially after Michael’s passing. By the end, he loves her family, and they love him and he has been there with her through so many different life challenges. And despite all the hurdles, they get together in the end.

I liked how they are able to be friends as well, and they care about each other and are best friends even when they’re not dating.

Swoon-worthy quote:

Jane: “It’s your dream. Go for it, be brave.”

Rafael: “Hey, that’s my line.”

Jane: “Well, it works and it’s true.”

6. Jess and Rory from Gilmore Girls

I have to say, I normally don’t like whole bad-boy romance stories, but Jess from Gilmore Girls is my exception. He is Luke’s nephew, and he moves in with his uncle during the second season. He and Rory meet pretty quickly–Lorelai and Luke are close friends after all–and instantly feel a connection. Unfortunately for Jess, Rory is in a relationship with another guy named Dean.

Jess isn’t who you’d think of as Rory’s type. He is extremely intelligent, but he thinks school is a waste of time and doesn’t trust authority figures. Rory is dedicated to studying hard and heading to Harvard. The two of them are connected by a love of books (swoon!) and they end up dating after quite a bit of drama with Dean.

One of the best things about Jess and Rory is that although their paths in life and goals are somewhat different, they’re always pushing each other to be the best versions of themselves. Rory inspires Jess to write a book, and in the revival (major spoiler), Jess tells Rory that she should write a book about her and her mom. They also grow together and are inspired by the other person’s influence.

I will say that Jess was pretty flawed. His mother basically gave him over to Luke and his father left him, and Jess has problems with authority in general. Jess does grow to be a better person with Luke and Rory and even Lorelai’s influence. He leaves in the fourth season, but he does come back to visit.

This is one ship I like that doesn’t end up together. Honestly, I’m not sure if it is for the best or not. These two are great both as friends and as a couple. I like how much they cared about each other no matter what. I think if Amy Sherman Palladino ever made a second revival, I would love to see Jess and Rory get together. But even if it doesn’t happen, I’m grateful that these two were thing.

Best Quote:

Jess: “You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you.”

This is from a discussion where Rory wants Jess to read The Fountainhead and Jess wants Rory to read Hemingway.

5. Eleanor and Chidi from The Good Place

I haven’t finished The Good Place yet, but I love Eleanor and Chidi together. Chidi is a philosophy professor of ethics, and Eleanor is actually not supposed to be in The Good Place because she was just a bad person. There’s really no other way to say that. But Chidi is stubborn decides to teach her how to be good so that she can stay there. They do this by studying the philosophers and talking about ethics. For Chidi, this means teaching and talking about his passion, for Eleanor, it is learning that Aristotle is not pronounced “Chipotle.”

I love these two for their wildly different personalities. Chidi is an extremely indecisive guy who desperately wants to make the most ethical decision, but he can never decide. Eleanor is the poster-child for not caring. She is snarky and honest and has no filter. Eleanor is smart, but she just doesn’t care about anything or anyone but herself, at least at first. I like seeing them interact and react to each other.

Best Quote:

Eleanor: “I was dropped into a cave. You were my flashlight.”

The Plato reference gets me. Intellectual beauty–I love it. Honestly my best romantic quote on here.

5. Petra and JR – Jane the Virgin

Petra was one of my favorite characters on Jane the Virgin. She starts the series as Rafael’s fiancé and Jane’s rival. Petra makes some . . . interesting . . . decisions throughout the show. But it is mostly because her life and past has been incredibly chaotic. Most of these characters go through so much melodrama, but Petra has been through too much that she doesn’t deserve. Petra honestly might be my favorite character on this show. She’s tough and calculated, but she had to grow up that way.

After watching her pine over Rafael for so long, I was pleasantly surprised when she develops feelings for her lawyer, Jane Ramos. Because her name is so similar to our protagonist, Jane, they call her JR.

Petra is always so confident, which drew me to her character. She also always seems to want to be in control, so it was fun watching her fall for Jane and juggle feelings for someone.

Petra hires JR as her lawyer because Petra’s sister died. This is a long story, but it is not Petra’s fault. Jane and Petra end up getting together when they think the case if closed. Of course, this is a telenovela, so when you think it is over, it never truly is. But they break up and end up realizing that they love each other.

I went into ending this show with no idea how the writers would end it, but they gave Petra a perfect match.

She and JR are both ambitious and fiercely protective of the people they love. It was so nice to see Petra happy too, after all that she has been through. I get that this show is a telenovela, but there is so much drama. From husbands coming back from the dead to crime lords, it is quite the ride. These two are amazing though, the way they love and care about each other. I love how JR fits into Petra’s life so well, with her daughters, with her past–all of it. They have their bumps in the road, but they just fit together. They’re amazing.

Best Quote:

Petra: “I love you too, which is scary because its so fast. But here’s the thing, I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel when I’m with you. And I think I just quoted Dirty Dancing. But that’s the kind of cheesy thing you make me do.”

JR: “I happen to love . . . Dirty Dancing

4. Lorelai and Luke from Gilmore Girls

I’ve talked before about how much I love the grumpy/sunshine trope and these two fit this trope to a T. Lorelai is a single mom and a huge coffee fanatic and Luke owns a diner that she goes to every day. They have been friends for years. One of my favorite tropes is the friends who have been pining for each other forever and Luke and Lorelai are great together as friends and as a couple. They have hilarious banter and if there’s any guy for Lorelai, it is Luke.

The writers of this show threw in so much drama later in the series, but I still love them together. I like how their relationship shows different love languages. Luke for instance, shows Lorelai that he loves her by works of service. He makes her an ice rink when they’re dating. Love doesn’t have to be said all the time or showed in a certain way. This show is a good example of that.

Best Quote:

Both of them:“Will you just stand still”

3. Schmidt and Cece from New Girl

Schmidt may be my favorite New Girl character. He is very high-maintenance and interested in brands and labels. One of his quotes is “Can Somebody Get My Towel? It’s In My Bedroom Next To My Irish Walking Cape.” He has an Irish walking cape, and he owns more hair products than anyone in the loft. He is also a ladies man and a huge flirt. The group has a douchebag jar for Schmidt to put money in when he told Cece he would marry her the moment he met her. Cece wasn’t sure what to think of him at first, but after they spend some time together, she develops feelings for him. They are on-and off again and then finally end up getting married.

Best Quote:

Schmidt: “You like me? For my personality”

Cece: “I was surprised too”

2. Emily and Sue from Dickinson

I absolutely love Emily Dickinson poetry, so I was pleasantly surprised when I watched the new Apple TV adaption. In real life, Sue Gilbert is Emily’s friend and sister-in-law. Sue married her brother Austin. Literary critics have speculated that the two were in love. In the series, Emily and Sue are best friends and fall in love and carry on a passionate, secret romance.

They both have amazing chemistry, and Emily writes poetry about Sue. Falling in love with your best friend is the dream. Some of the best couples are friends who have known each other forever. These two also have amazing chemistry. The show vibes are amazing, and these two are the best part. And I’m a huge fan of Emily Dickinson and Hailee Seinfeld, so it is pretty great. Emily is outgoing and hilarious and Sue is more introverted and sweet. Their relationship is definitely messy, but their love for each other never is.

Best Quote:

Sue: Emily, I love.
Emily: Stop lying to me.
Sue: I love you, and I felt you in the library because you’re always with me. I can’t escape from you because the only true thing I will ever feel is my love for you.

1. Nick and Jess from New Girl

New Girl is a show about a woman named Jess who moves in with three guys after her ex-boyfriend cheats on her. When we first meet Jess, she is a quirky elementary school teacher. Jess is also super sweet and isn’t afraid to be childish or silly. She mixes the group dynamics in the best possible way.

Nick is about the opposite. He is also a rather unusual love interest. Nick is a bartender and a law-school drop out. He is an underachiever and he has an unfinished novel called The Pepperwood Chronicles.

He is also a great friend and, when they get together–a great boyfriend. They both care about each other so much, even when they are not dating. They’re also one of those couples who clash a bit in personality, and it keeps things interesting. Nick can be his goofiest, truest self with Jess and vice versa. They also have so much chemistry. It is crazy. Their first kiss was wow…

I haven’t seen many sitcom couples that have this much chemistry and aren’t completely toxic (Ross and Rachel cough). They have their problems of course, and the writers broke them up for no reason, but they’re just great together. As friends, as a couple, as people supporting each other. I love them so much, and they’re the kind of couple who do anything for each other. Nick will move mountains for Jess and she’d do the same for him.

Best Quotes (2 this time, because I can’t help it):

Jess: “There’s Something About Him…I See Him And My Heart Explodes.”

-Swoon… I can’t with these two. They just love each other so much. The passion, the drama, the witty banter. I love this so much.

Nick: “No! not like this!”

This is before they start dating. Nick and Jess are playing a game with the gang, (True American, which I still want to play), and they are given a dare to kiss. The two of them are locked in a room together until they kiss, but Nick just can’t kiss her over a dare. He yells “No! Not like this” and Jess is confused, so he climbs out a window to escape. He ends up kissing her later that night and says “I meant something like that.” I love this scene so much. The man is a great kisser, so much passion. It was probably the best way to start their relationship. 100/10.

So, that is my list of my favorite TV couples. What did you think? Do you like any of these shows? What couples do you ship? Why? Let me know down in the comments below!

Shows

The Absurd Worldview of Mr. Peanutbutter: Let’s talk about Toxic Positivity

As I’m about to graduate college, I’ve been thinking about BoJack Horseman again. I literally love this show so much, probably because it makes me think about people and the patterns they find themselves in.

I also find it interesting that the show includes characters of all different age groups. BoJack is in his fifties. Princess Carolyn is around 40, and Diane is a few years younger than her. Sarah Lynn and Todd are thirty. Hollyhock and Penny are a teens and then young adults. Several characters go through big life changes and experience growth. But I’m not sure that works for everyone. BoJack struggles to make lasting changes over time, but if there is anyone who fails to change over time, it is Mr. Peanutbutter.

I have been thinking lately about mental health and BoJack Horseman and about how Mr. Peanutbutter is the perfect example of toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is a term that I’ve seen everywhere. There are even toxic positivity memes out there. We have all heard the usually well-meaning advice to just stay positive and choose to be happy every day. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

And what is toxic positivity, exactly? According to Medical News Today, Toxic Positivity is “is an obsession with positive thinking. It is the belief that people should put a spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic. Toxic positivity can silence negative emotions, demean grief, and make people feel under pressure to pretend to be happy even when they are struggling.”

Don’t get me wrong, looking for things you are grateful for and appreciating the people around you are good things, but that simply isn’t the answer for every life situation, especially the painful parts of life. Ignoring life’s tragedies and pain for the sake of positivity is deeply toxic. But before we dive into toxic positivity, it is important to understand Mr. Peanutbutter as a whole.

He is one of those characters that I love to hate, or more accurately, he is one of those people who annoy me, but I can’t help loving them a little anyway. He is funny, and he is always so happy. But his happiness is a strange one. He is willingly oblivious, which seems like a quirk at first. If you think about it though, he’s actually pretty harmful—even if he isn’t causing harm on purpose.

Mr. Peanutbutter’s worldview is actually one of the most complexly thought out ones on the show. When I first saw Mr. Peanutbutter, I figured he was one of those characters who never thought of big questions about life and just enjoyed being rich and famous. After all, money is quite distracting; life is distracting. Not everyone constructs a worldview or decides to understand their place in the world. I thought maybe Mr. Peanutbutter was happier than BoJack because he never thought about the world and just enjoyed the good stuff. Boy, I was wrong. He has thought of his actions and what it means to be in this world. In one episode, he tells Diane:

 “The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to being happy isn’t a search for meaning. It’s to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you’ll be dead.”

Wow, I can’t quite agree with you on that, bud. I understand that we can’t figure out the answer to every question or solve the world’s problems, but wow. He also uses the word unimportant nonsense, which indicates that there are important things to do with your life. He could be trying to help others and help with issues he does care about. He does care about the people close to him—Diane, for instance. And he’s not in a position where he can’t help others be happier and safer.

As an actor, he has a lot of money. He already recognizes that it won’t buy him happiness or make his life perfect, so why doesn’t he help the less fortunate? Diane, in contrast, is all about saving people. She knows that the world is full of pain and harm, and she wants to help other people. But she breaks down when she realizes she isn’t making lasting change. That’s totally understandable. The world is full of hurt, but I feel like our best efforts are worth it. I agree with Diane’s decisions at the end; she does help people in a new way. But there is an alternative worldview and way to look at things. We don’t have to give up, and we don’t have to fix everything.

So, I wonder if a middle ground between Diane’s activism and Mr. Peanutbutter’s denial would be recognizing that you can’t fix everything and that bad things will continue to happen. But do good anyway. Mr. Peanutbutter also, in deciding that there is no point in helping, ignores the privileges that he has that others do not. Few people are able to distract themselves with “unimportant nonsense” without worrying about bills, health, and other life struggles. Even if you take up the view that life is all nonsense, why not allow others to enjoy nonsense the way you do? That brings me to the next point, the episode, “The Face of Depression.”

The Face of Depression

I find it interesting how when Mr. Peanutbutter is labeled, The Face of Depression, BoJack and Diane are completely skeptical. He’s so happy all the time: how can he possibly be depressed? Diane is diagnosed with depression, and it sounds like BoJack has it as well from what we see.

But I wonder why they have to be so skeptical that their friend has depression. Even though Mr. Peanutbutter is generally a happy person, that doesn’t mean he can’t suffer from depression. Anyone can have any mental illness regardless of their personality or the face they put on in public.

But Mr. Peanutbutter doesn’t have depression. The show says he does not, and that is partially why he works as an example of toxic positivity. He is absurdist in philosophy and deep into toxic positivity. Now, when we hear the term positive, we wonder, what is wrong with that? Is there anything wrong with being happy and having a good view of life? Is it wrong to be an optimist and to see the glass is half full?

Well, frankly, it depends. Toxic positivity refers to downplaying any emotions that are not positive.

Of course, we all want our friends to be happy and we want ourselves to be happy too. We don’t want them to be going through hard times or to feel bad. When we feel good about life, we want other people to as well. That is a normal feeling and a human one. But happiness isn’t something we should expect out of other people. No one should have to pretend to be happy when they are feeling miserable. I get his ignorance, however. I personally do not have depression, and I can only imagine what it would be like for others.

I understand that it can be hard to understand why someone’s external circumstances seem so good on the outside, but they might be unhappy. Take this conversation between Mr. Peanutbutter and BoJack. Mr. Peanutbutter just asked BoJack if he is jealous of Mr, PB because he is married to Diane.

BoJack Horseman No. Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you.

Mr. Peanutbutter Oh, and it doesn’t for you? You’re a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, acting in your dream movie. What more do you want? What else could the universe possible owe you?

BoJack Horseman I… want… to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.

On Mr. Peanutbutter’s end, it sounds like BoJack has every reason to be happy. Shouldn’t these good things, love, and career success make him happy?

The two of them end up reconciling, and I’m not sure if Mr. Peanutbutter understands BoJack in the end or not. I’d say his worldview makes it hard for him to understand people. Mr. Peanutbutter, because he sees the world as meaningless, doesn’t recognize that others think differently than he does. If life is about doing silly things, why doesn’t everyone go with the flow and enjoy them? Nothing has any inherent value or meaning, and if it doesn’t matter–why not have fun?  

This is why he and Diane clash. Diane doesn’t like large parties and being in the spotlight, but Mr. Peanutbutter just assumes she’ll love it. It is fun for him, so why doesn’t everyone else want that? As an introvert, I can relate to Diane. She’s awkward at parties and doesn’t feel comfortable in a large group of strangers.

But Mr. Peanutbutter never tries to consider her perspective because it doesn’t matter. He sees almost all parts of life as things to embrace. Unlike BoJack, he is willing to take any role or follow any scheme, no matter how silly, cliché, or even downright harmful it is. Birthday Dad, a knockoff of BoJack’s show, and an app that later enables sexual harassment are never a no for Mr. Peanutbutter. He goes along with whatever comes his way. There is something to be admired in going with the flow and accepting challenges or when life doesn’t look what you expect, but Mr. Peanutbutter takes it to the extreme. He is utterly thoughtless, and his moral code is weak. Maybe that is why he is so popular while running for office. He cares about niceness and friendliness, which BoJack lacks, but he also doesn’t look beyond the surface level.

He refuses to listen and look, and see any deeper meaning in life.

Toxic Positivity in Real Life

I found this gif when I was looking for online quotes. This is extremely harmful. Being sad is a normal human emotion that we as humans feel. Ignoring your emotions will be harmful in the long run.

I don’t think that belief that the world is meaningless is the inherent cause of toxic positivity, though it certainly can lead to it. I have heard about it in various subgroups. People who are passionate about their jobs or about the opportunity to study in college can fall prey to toxic positivity. I’ve seen this mentality amongst Christians, even though Jesus showed a wide range of emotions and wasn’t exceedingly positive. He cried and got angry and was pretty human and he validated people’s emotions and didn’t pretend sadness didn’t exist.

If that’s the case, I don’t get why we all shouldn’t be like that. God has given blessings and there are good things in the world, so we should appreciate them. Every day is a gift, there is a beautiful creation and there are the joys of coffee and time with friends. I don’t disagree with that, but creation can also be terrifying and horrific. There are hurricanes and tsunamis and nature is frankly, a wild beast. While I agree being thankful and focusing on blessings is important, we don’t always feel happy even with the good things in our lives.

One instance I can think of during college was a situation with academics. In my English classes, I read fantastic books and listened to great lectures. But does that mean I’m not going to be stressed that I have to read 200 pages for one class by next Thursday in one class and 60 pages in another? No way.

If a friend is stressed about school, it is tempting to say to them, “But we have it good here. Our classes are amazing and the books we are reading are profound and beautiful. We have good friends here and our professors are helpful and kind. Classes are fun, why complain if they are hard and you feel anxious? Just enjoy them.” Now, saying that sounds incredibly dumb. College is stressful. Heck, life is stressful. Why should we pretend like it is not. Just like it is absurd to convince our friends to be miserable when they are happy, it is absurd to convince our friends to be happy when they miserable.

Instead, we should listen to people and validate their emotions. Let them let the guard down a little and don’t be afraid to talk about how you’re feeling if you’re upset or something is bothering you. If you feel academic stress, for instance, I know that sometimes a lot of people feel the same way but are a bit afraid to say it. I like x aspects of school, but I’m struggling with x. Or it bothers me when x.

No matter how good things appear on the outside, let yourself feel your feelings. Then learn about them. Understand them. Talk to a counselor if you feel like it could help to have someone else help you understand yourself more.

Toxic Patterns

I think that one of the people that Mr. Peanutbutter hurts the most from his actions is himself. He jumps from wife to wife and doesn’t have any stable foundation. He keeps up a cycle of denial, and that can’t be the right way to live. He also has been deeply sheltered from anything “bad” in the world. His parents raised him on a farm and never taught him to be empathetic or emotionally intelligent. They stunted him.

Toxic positivity does the same thing. It stunts us. It tells us to deny, deny, deny when bad things happen to us, and when life exists outside that bubble of contentment that we’ve created for ourselves. Whenever he faces a challenge, he just moves on to the next thing. He doesn’t reflect on his experiences, and he repeats the same toxic patterns. Bad parts of life exist, and we should learn from them. We should live with them and acknowledge them. Otherwise, we might make the same mistakes. Associating a negative emotion with a certain choice can help us avoid it. For instance, Diane feels disappointed when Mr. Peanutbutter does a big gesture. Instead of recognizing that and seeing it as an opportunity to learn more about his girlfriend and be a better boyfriend, he just moves forward like nothing happened.

His constant invalidation of others’ emotions is pretty terrible. And how are we supposed to learn and love ourselves and the people around us if we do not understand them? If we sort all life’s events into the category of good, there is no opportunity to recognize wrong.

But I can’t just critique his toxic positivity without realizing how it works with his philosophy of life. Mr. Peanutbutter thinks that nothing matters, but it kind of does. His running for governor, for instance, impacts real people around him. To Mr. Peanutbutter, why not run, it sounds like fun. He’s rich, he can do whatever he wants. But Diane admits that he wouldn’t make a good governor. But she doesn’t tell him. Mr. Peanutbutter is never told no, so he keeps doing whatever he feels.

If we go back to that original quote, where he asks BoJack what more could he want, I think Mr. Peanutbutter is jealous of BoJack just like BoJack is jealous of him. Horsin’ Around was a thing before Mr. Peanutbutter’s House. There is also Diane. I feel like a part of him noticed that Diane and BoJack connected emotionally in a way that he can’t with Diane or with any of the women he dates really. But he doesn’t understand himself enough to fix it. He starts dating younger and younger women, and he is never required to understand any of his wives.

Of course, Mr. Peanutbutter is a dog. Dogs are loyal and loving but not always understanding. They like doing different things, and they don’t see any inherent meaning in their actions. At least, I’m assuming they don’t.

But none of this is to retract my points. Humans have a natural craving for meaning, and we experience emotions deeply and they hurt. It is tempting to shove our emotions down and pretend we’re fine. It is tempting to say “at least….” when someone shares bad news or says their day was bad.

But that doesn’t make the pain go away. In fact, it lets us suppress the pain and forces ourselves to put on a happy face for the person who asked us. Mr. Peanutbutter is a dog, but it is okay if he is a sad dog sometimes. A self-aware dog would be nice to see too.

Have you heard of toxic positivity or watched BoJack Horseman? What are your thoughts on the subject of Mr. Peanutbutter? Let me know down in the comments below.

Links:

https://theconversation.com/how-to-avoid-toxic-positivity-and-take-the-less-direct-route-to-happiness-170260

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/toxic-positivity